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Literature Text
Blood and bits of bodies rained down
Colourful
In the evening.
The breeze was pleasantly warm,
And the occasional cries of surprised children or parents
Did nothing to disrupt the serenity.
Inside the world was screaming
Screeching lungfuls of hot molten ash into its stomach
Where it could burn a hole through the walls of the people it ate
Until the stomach, white hot, churned out its own blood.
But the people were peaceful
Lying side by side in the grass
And arm in arm on the hill.
The green that held their bodies together
Held the world so still.
Colourful
In the evening.
The breeze was pleasantly warm,
And the occasional cries of surprised children or parents
Did nothing to disrupt the serenity.
Inside the world was screaming
Screeching lungfuls of hot molten ash into its stomach
Where it could burn a hole through the walls of the people it ate
Until the stomach, white hot, churned out its own blood.
But the people were peaceful
Lying side by side in the grass
And arm in arm on the hill.
The green that held their bodies together
Held the world so still.
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Written Sunday the Eighteenth of March
© 2012 - 2024 BBKatsu1
Comments17
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This is much better in terms of structure, or rather, the poetic lyricism with it all there? It sounds less like a narrative and more like a poem, anyway, but that could just be me.
It's quite interesting how you've juxtaposed the two ideas there... you've got such a horror-filled image in the first line and then the other lines in the first stanza are so light in comparison?
It brings some harsh contrast and makes it more ... unbelievable, in a disbelieving way when, inside, we know what has happened.
You've made it quite beautiful, but.. yeah, underlying it all, it's anything but, I guess you could say. The direction with this piece is brilliant and I like how metaphorical it is in a way, maybe? Or... perhaps it's more the fact that you can see it in a different perspective and it'll be wholly different, almost.
Great stuff. Very poignant.
I feel as if you are writing darker stuff… any particular reason why?
It's quite interesting how you've juxtaposed the two ideas there... you've got such a horror-filled image in the first line and then the other lines in the first stanza are so light in comparison?
It brings some harsh contrast and makes it more ... unbelievable, in a disbelieving way when, inside, we know what has happened.
You've made it quite beautiful, but.. yeah, underlying it all, it's anything but, I guess you could say. The direction with this piece is brilliant and I like how metaphorical it is in a way, maybe? Or... perhaps it's more the fact that you can see it in a different perspective and it'll be wholly different, almost.
Great stuff. Very poignant.
I feel as if you are writing darker stuff… any particular reason why?